totally fed up

its been 5mths of pain and no being able to do anything Andy;s very stressed. he;s not handling it very well l cant blame him. not much to say jordy is now 16yrs old l cant beleive it. its just flown pass. have to go and sleep lm so very tired

l'm sick it's .......... WINTERTIME AT LAST

waited all bloody summer for winter and all l've done is be sick.
so over been ill. 1month of antibiotics 2 weeks off now on them again cant shift this cough.
poor andy looks so tired over doing it at work nothing new there l just get scared for him.
glenn made it through the open heart operation,  was a bit jumpy there for awhile. warren has had his heart problem operated on too there both doing well. must be the year of wonky hearts.

been sad alot lately l think its cos lm so ill ldont think lve felt this bad in yrs every bone aches head is really woolly and l cant seem to get warm then l get a hot flush

saw the grandkids on the holidays l was trusted enough to have them 1 day for both weeks so saw them a total of 2 days out of 2 weeks.

being an adult was meant to be fun so far its been a bit of a let down l want to be 4yrs old again and have Andy in my gang lol

feeling so tired and strange

had so many hot flushes and 2 really chilly ones
left me feeling confused and a bit lost
have this aweful feeling something really bad is going to happen
lm panicky most of the time
hate feeling like this

Eric's mother passed away early thursday morning
poor man its such a hard thing dealing with death that is so close

havent had a massage for 3 weeks l go this thursday not with Eric
bit scared

had a wonderful time last week spending real time with my
grandbabies they are so sweet they always make me smile my Angels

no evie today

I've been looking forward all week to seeing evie today and its not going to happen.
she is in full time school .....................that really sucks
we live so close and l never see them
l so love being there nana but l miss them so much
really disapointed that l wont see my little monkey today
l wanted to do painting with her
life sucks
shit shit shit shit shit
warrens b'day today

wheres my head ?????????????

things are getting a bit scary l keep forgetting things
pills
feeding animals
what day it is
what l'm doing
getting lost when l drive
not wanting to talk to the gardener hiding so he wont see me
lm so sad no-one but me seems to even know that Sir Charming is gone
Andy didnt even help me bury him
Andys very unhappy
l wonder how much of it is me
l try to keep positive but its getting harder and harder
lm not sleep very much lately and when l do
l have nightmares of fighting with Celly or Chrissie and not being able to see the grandbabies cos there going to europe
or that andy rings me from some country town and that he has fallen in love with someone else and is never coming home and its all my fault cos l'm fat, lazy and crazy and he cant live like this. then its not my fault he says its him ????????
feel like lm loosing my mind (haha too late for that)
no one seems to acknowledge me unless they want something
hope this passes soon

dr labass

went to the nut dr today
he doesnt get me at all
he wants me to drive further than l do
he wants me to make new friends
he wants me to be grateful for the lounge suite celly gave us
he wants me to stop smoking
he said "its like hitting yourself in the head with a golf club"
he says nothing much has changed
he looked really annoyed or disapointed or something l couldnt tell
feeling depressed sad and lost

2015 9th feb

hello self well its been a rough start to the yr.
Andy had a hernia op last month.
l was scared half out of my mind then it took over an hour longer.
kept think what am l going to do if he doesnt make it through.
the releif when l saw him l almost exploded with joy.
he was breathing and looking as good as you can after an op.
people say you dont know what you've got til its gone
THAT IS SO UNTRUE
l have THE most wonderful man that has ever been born.
l hated seeing him in pain he tried so hard not to show it
but l could tell he's on the mend now but l still have to watch him
 its his birthday tomorrow presh is going to be 54yrs old same as me
he is also off to mildura l pray he's careful
he'll be home on wednesday he cant get into too much trouble
fingers crossed
l didnt know that the older you got the deeper the love is l am an unbeleivably
LUCKY LUCKY LUCKY GIRL
let you know how he is when he get back
mother watch over him for me bode it be