went to the nut dr today
he doesnt get me at all
he wants me to drive further than l do
he wants me to make new friends
he wants me to be grateful for the lounge suite celly gave us
he wants me to stop smoking
he said "its like hitting yourself in the head with a golf club"
he says nothing much has changed
he looked really annoyed or disapointed or something l couldnt tell
feeling depressed sad and lost
Wednesday, 11 February 2015
Monday, 9 February 2015
2015 9th feb
hello self well its been a rough start to the yr.
Andy had a hernia op last month.
l was scared half out of my mind then it took over an hour longer.
kept think what am l going to do if he doesnt make it through.
the releif when l saw him l almost exploded with joy.
he was breathing and looking as good as you can after an op.
people say you dont know what you've got til its gone
THAT IS SO UNTRUE
l have THE most wonderful man that has ever been born.
l hated seeing him in pain he tried so hard not to show it
but l could tell he's on the mend now but l still have to watch him
its his birthday tomorrow presh is going to be 54yrs old same as me
he is also off to mildura l pray he's careful
he'll be home on wednesday he cant get into too much trouble
fingers crossed
l didnt know that the older you got the deeper the love is l am an unbeleivably
LUCKY LUCKY LUCKY GIRL
let you know how he is when he get back
mother watch over him for me bode it be
Andy had a hernia op last month.
l was scared half out of my mind then it took over an hour longer.
kept think what am l going to do if he doesnt make it through.
the releif when l saw him l almost exploded with joy.
he was breathing and looking as good as you can after an op.
people say you dont know what you've got til its gone
THAT IS SO UNTRUE
l have THE most wonderful man that has ever been born.
l hated seeing him in pain he tried so hard not to show it
but l could tell he's on the mend now but l still have to watch him
its his birthday tomorrow presh is going to be 54yrs old same as me
he is also off to mildura l pray he's careful
he'll be home on wednesday he cant get into too much trouble
fingers crossed
l didnt know that the older you got the deeper the love is l am an unbeleivably
LUCKY LUCKY LUCKY GIRL
let you know how he is when he get back
mother watch over him for me bode it be
Friday, 16 January 2015
16th Jan 2015 another year
well Andy had his hernea operation on monday its now friday poor darlin' l dont think he knew how painful it would be.
l have hated every minute of this watching him in such pain its unbearable, l wish it were me not him l dont think men are made to endure pain poor pet.
no get well cards from our dear children no flowers
l often wonder why my children are the way they are
as they grow older they become more and more selfish
l find l dont really like them at all
l often wonder if this is what my mother felt
the only person to really show concern was Andy's mum shock of shocks.
what the hell does that say about the state of things
l wish l could take the pain for him poor darling he is being so brave
love him so much xxx
l have hated every minute of this watching him in such pain its unbearable, l wish it were me not him l dont think men are made to endure pain poor pet.
no get well cards from our dear children no flowers
l often wonder why my children are the way they are
as they grow older they become more and more selfish
l find l dont really like them at all
l often wonder if this is what my mother felt
the only person to really show concern was Andy's mum shock of shocks.
what the hell does that say about the state of things
l wish l could take the pain for him poor darling he is being so brave
love him so much xxx
Monday, 5 January 2015
january here we go again 2015 wow
crird today
self pity
l put myself in a position where l cant meet ppl to make friends
with, then get all upset that l have no friends.
trouble is l dont like ppl but l'd like to have a friend that wont
betray me. big ask l know. l miss my cats and my parents, my best friend,
my nan and to be honest l miss my own children, but thats my fault l brought
them up to be independant, cos l was always scared they would have to make it without me.
l never really expected to live this long.
really worried about Andy l know l make him worry
about money , about me and my crazy brain
celly was right l'll never leave Andy, not for the reasons she says
but l do really love him more than anything and l would be lost without him.
poor bugger, more pressure on him,as if he doesnt have enough trouble.
wish Autumn would have her babies
self pity
l put myself in a position where l cant meet ppl to make friends
with, then get all upset that l have no friends.
trouble is l dont like ppl but l'd like to have a friend that wont
betray me. big ask l know. l miss my cats and my parents, my best friend,
my nan and to be honest l miss my own children, but thats my fault l brought
them up to be independant, cos l was always scared they would have to make it without me.
l never really expected to live this long.
really worried about Andy l know l make him worry
about money , about me and my crazy brain
celly was right l'll never leave Andy, not for the reasons she says
but l do really love him more than anything and l would be lost without him.
poor bugger, more pressure on him,as if he doesnt have enough trouble.
wish Autumn would have her babies
Friday, 2 January 2015
happy new wonderful year
well here we are another year gone and a brand new happy year ahead l feel this is going to be a wonderful year for me and andy. l have no idea how andy and l ever meet but lve been a very very very lucky girl to have such a wonderful hubby
for the 1st time in years l really think this is going to be a great year
evies first year of school whoa that went quick.
celly not speaking to us but bought us a lounge suite very strange child.
saw elvira and the kids she's very tired but seems happy.
missed seeing my brothers as ross didnt give us a time ?? he's always been strange like that.
garry dropped a huge picture at our front door but didnt knock silly man.
sarah is so exhausted l wish there was more l could do for her.
sadly l didnt make it to queensland lm scared they will die soon and lve not seen them l love them dearly.
maybe this yr fingers crossed
for the 1st time in years l really think this is going to be a great year
evies first year of school whoa that went quick.
celly not speaking to us but bought us a lounge suite very strange child.
saw elvira and the kids she's very tired but seems happy.
missed seeing my brothers as ross didnt give us a time ?? he's always been strange like that.
garry dropped a huge picture at our front door but didnt knock silly man.
sarah is so exhausted l wish there was more l could do for her.
sadly l didnt make it to queensland lm scared they will die soon and lve not seen them l love them dearly.
maybe this yr fingers crossed
Monday, 8 December 2014
hope for the future
another day of wondering
went to bed last night and Andy was really aweful
but he wasn't awake and he never talks to me like that ever
l think its the end of the most awful year
just haven't been able to catch a trick this yr its just been terrible.
I think we'll just have to rule a line under it and put it behind us.
nightmare or what.
2015 is going to be wonderful for us
went to bed last night and Andy was really aweful
but he wasn't awake and he never talks to me like that ever
l think its the end of the most awful year
just haven't been able to catch a trick this yr its just been terrible.
I think we'll just have to rule a line under it and put it behind us.
nightmare or what.
2015 is going to be wonderful for us
sigh
Andy trys so hard to be nice but l feel totally detacted
l dont know what l feel
still in pain
still hurting from the lack of understanding
still smarting from what my - so - called loving children do and dont do
l just want to get away
l want to hide
where no one knows me
where no one can pity me
where l can be me
pain and all
not judged
for my lack of housework, lack of humour, lack of forgiveness.
why has it come to this ??
how do l keep going
where do l go what do l do
l'm screaming inside my head because l know there is no point speaking any more
there is no one left to listen and understand
l dont know what l feel
still in pain
still hurting from the lack of understanding
still smarting from what my - so - called loving children do and dont do
l just want to get away
l want to hide
where no one knows me
where no one can pity me
where l can be me
pain and all
not judged
for my lack of housework, lack of humour, lack of forgiveness.
why has it come to this ??
how do l keep going
where do l go what do l do
l'm screaming inside my head because l know there is no point speaking any more
there is no one left to listen and understand
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