Exploding head day

I have the worst headache today my sinus is all blocked up I'm a mess. Sorry just having a sook. problem problems problems seem to jump from one mess to another sarah / chrissie   sarah / garry  my car the lemon celly's dogs andy's work what future is there if any the house inside and out then to top off my cake theirs my health. sometimes its not worth getting out of bed today is one of those days.I have no-one to talk to as they all have problems much bigger than mine. I know I'II be ok just sooking sometimes just writing it down helps it go away whats that saying   "suck it up princess" I'm going back to bed before my head explodes everything seems worse when you have a headache tata for now

May regrets

21 st may 2012
My hubby's in tassy its very quite here with him gone. I feel a little wobbly when he's not around, I always hope that its not putting too much pressure on him . He is such a darling I miss him something awful. Its my sons birthday tomorrow he will be 32 years old, I've not had much to do with him since he where 14 years old he went to live with his father, well really I made him go there. I don't regret the reasons at the time , but I have missed him something horrible. I often see mums with grown up sons, and my heart aches knowing I have a son who doesn't want to be around me. Well I suppose that's the price I had to pay. Cel says he's doing well and is nice to be around that makes it a bit easier to take. maybe one day I will have him back, its not looking as though it will be anytime soon.

stress

lifes been a bit stressed lately Poor hubby getting attacked at every turn there closing down his college.
not only do they carry on like pork chops at work but they are ringing him at home. Its not fair its too much stress I'm getting really worried for him he looks so tired, nods off all the time. just have to get through the next years or so and I'm sure things will be better, its the getting through that could be tricky I'II keep you posted

A little lost

Hello self   how are you really?
Well where do I start
health?
hubby?
friends?
kids?
inability to clean house make dr app ect?
I'm tired so very tired right down to my bones, worried sick about things I can't control
No matter what I say or do it makes no real difference
Most of the time I don't even want to get out of bed .
I don't often leave the house now.
Things in my head are driving me up the wall
This is always a bad time of year for me but this year I feel battered from all sides.
An over whelming sadness.
I wish I had someone to talk to
But at the moment everyone else seems to have bigger nastier problems than I do.
They have enough without me adding to there already overloaded minds and souls.
I just pray I'II get some sleep maybe tomorrow I will be able to force myself into
a better mind fingers crossed.

oh what a day....................... part 2

Get home just after midnight my hubby feeds our little monsters, did something on the computer and while we were sitting there, we hear a large crash hubby says its one of the cats knocking down a paint tin he rights it everything fine. I go to let the dogs back in the house and stand in a puddle of green paint , what the ...........
where did this come from, hubby looking confused (soooo cute that look) an old tin that had crash to the floor moments before was leaking green paint everywhere, several things we just through away, then clean up. Only 1 cat and 1 dog walked through the green paint,  so hubby goes madly chasing the dog yelling at him to stop.It didn't work he just freak out and started to run around the kitchen and he is a big boy ( the dog) hubby finally corners him and starts washing his feet. Poor dog had no idea what was going on. meanwhile pussy cat has to get in on the act unbeknown to us she has all 4 feet covered in green paint she's now in the bath room cope with that in the morning. What poor hubby doesn't know is the cat walked all over the sofa and 1 armchair I'm saying nothing hubbys gone to bed and now I'm going to join him oh what a day!.......................

oh my what a day....................part1..

had 2hours sleep wondering around like a zombie played cards for 3 hours. Went back to bed 9am slept for 4 hours got up feeling more human phone rings (I hate phones) a very dear friend ringing me to tell me something about a book .I have no idea what she is talking about tell her I'II ring her back. conference with hubby, thats ok sort that, to find  (she has only been out of hospital less than a week) her dear sweet husband has gone up to the country (his folks farm) cos he needs a break. Leaving my friend to cope with 2 teenagers all their friends and driving them all over. There are times in my life I can half understand men but most of the time I am completely baffled.I find most of them I just dont want anything to do with there all insane!!!!
OK its baby sitting night. So have to get my head together I grab a coffee no sooner had I sat down off goes the phone (in my head I think oh what has my friend forgotten) so I pick up...........its not her Its another close friend from interstate, (some days you really should stay in bed) her husband has just taken a 10 day holiday in Thailand on his own yeah I really beleive that funny his wife had the same thoughts. He then very sweetly tells her the marriage of 18 years is over my friend not really bothered as she had planned to leave him when their youngest (who is 12yrs) turned 18. Her husband wants to set her up in a flat in town and give her an allowance. I almost choked when I heard that as they live on a 20 acre farm. my friend not being the idiot that her husband thought she was just laughted and said no way I'm not leaving ect ect ect about a 2 hour phone call
I had to go cos it was baby sitting time, spent a wonderful time playing with my granddaughter who I dont spend much time with she is  2yrs had a great talk with my grandson who is 12yrs life is very serious when your 12. finally mum and dad got back from the wedding they had been to, we headed home.

thoughts

well it wasn't a very happy wedding anni my hubby bought me some really beautiful things but I hadn't left the house all day, so he got nothing. I felt really bad and so I should, but there are days that I don't leave the house. That can turn to weeks. I get ready to go and just as I'm about to leave I get a rotten feeling that something really bad will happen if I open the door. YES I do know that sounds silly but it so over whelming. I have trouble breathing, I see double or everything goes wobbly and I can't focus. I basically freak out. So I go sit down hoping if I wait the feelings will go, but alas it can take hours to stop. Its really not worth fighting it. I end up so tired I go to bed. I find the best way is to just go, no plan, no appointment and I'm ok but if I have to wait, I just can't do it . Maybe one day it will go away, that would be really nice. Sleeping is my other problem or I should  say lack there of but that's for another day.
The worst thing about all this is I feel so lousy for my poor suffering hubby.
Its easy to be the one with the problem its not so easy to stand and watch the love of your life go through it.
maybe that why he was made so perfect but please don't tell him I'II never hear the end of it