Christmas time

Its the 27th December 2013
its been a heel of a month Andy tore a muscle in the back of his right leg calf area and then got blood clots.
Scans dr scans ect ect oh it went on and panic was just inches away, scared to sleep as he might be dead at anytime. I don't beleive I've ever been that scared.Thank the heavens he is on the mend.
Another xmas devided chrissies xmas day celly boxing day nice day at chrissies her in laws  were but they seemed alot calmer than they have ever been before. Celly is living at a house she is about to pull down nice little place but cel (germ freak) hates it we had japanese food strange xmas food but the company was really great. I've been so tired of late its not anything I'm doing its worry, but that is passing . Now I need to find my house under all this mess. 2014 is just a hickcup away.

3rd november 2013 TECO

we have a wonderful new baby boy TECO HE IS A RED STANDARD POODLE on the 8th of this month he will be 8mths old Andy bought him for my birthday. He is becoming a real good friend he's a bit goofy but very sweet Andy always does the right thing .Wish I did .having strange feelings. Andy Warren and Jordy oh and Evie have been working on my Art Room its almost finished I'm very excited but dreading it too. What if I can;t think of what to do in there?????????????
So many ideas floating through my head what if when the time comes I can't do any
What the saying "cross that Bridge when you Get there"
Keep your fingers crossed for me make it your toes as well

DREAMS

I've not feeling to stable at the moment being plagued with nightmares the 1st night l'd lost a child and was frantic to find it but it was in a strangle little market l searched and searched but couldnt find it anywhere and was terribly upset but cont to search, l woke feeling exhausted and paniced.
last night l dreamed l was carrying around a small baby that was dieing the mother of the baby gave it to me because she was too upset and didnt want the baby to be distressed l carried this baby around a garden and lane ways my heart was breaking i could feel the warmths and the tiny bodie in my arms even as l woke it upset me so l didnt want to move or get out of bed l felt the impression of the babies body for at least 15 mins after l woke it was most distressing and that feeling has stayed with me all day.
the strange thing is l dont know either the child l was looking for or where l was or the mother or the baby or what place l was in. l wonder what it means, is it a message of the future or a wish from the past. mmmmmmmmmmm

A bit Lost

Since my mums birthday 13 july l've been feeling a bit lost. not quite knowing how to shake this feeling off. I miss my parents so much I would give anything just to spend some time with them. Lost Little Girl syndome. All any one can say "well that can't be helped" or "that cant happen" l'm not stupid l know that but it doesn't stop the longing. not been sleeping well chris and warren have been a great help mentally as well as physically. poor  celly l feel is bit lost.

A STORY

Before the people came to live on this planet "Earth" The Moon and the Sun were in love they danced around the solar system together laughing and chasing each other everywhere. A big Planet watched this and became very jealous, why didnt he have someone to to play with and love. After centuries of watching them The big Planet decided he couldn't stand it any more. So he went to another solar system and found a magic planet and asked the magic planet to help him end this nightmare. The magic planet struck up a bargin with the big planet, If I do this, you must stay in your own solar system and be surrounded by flying rocks forever. The big planet didnt think about that at all, he just wanted the stop The Sun and The Moon. So the big planet went back to his solar system and waited. Soon there were crazy lights in the sky and sounds the big planet had never heard before he was scared and started to think maybe he had made a mistake.
The sun shot through the air so quickly and almost disappeared then the sun seemed stuck then The Moon went spinning towards the earth it looked like it was going to crash into it. But it stop just above the earth and started to move with it. The big planet shut his eyes for he knew he was next, he went skidding across space and suddenly he was stuck and rocks came out of no where and surounded him chanting mean things at him. To remind him of what he had done. So forever the Sun is never seen with the moon, but sometimes the moon sneeks around to see her sun and they both smile.

Time marches on

Our bracken has been gone for 3 months now and I still see him I miss him very much We have teco now he's a lovely pup but he's no Bracken. Im sure he will be a lovely dog but I still miss my boy and all my family humans and furries that have gone. Im fine most of the time but it will be mums birthday in 2 days and it reminds me of who's not here anymore. I miss them so much I suppose I always will. Andy seems to be on the mend I'm hoping by being more cheerful and silly will bring back that beautiful smile I fell in love with I hate seeing him so sad and tired. I must keep positive for all our sakes. Its been so cold haven't had such a cold winter in years that too brings back memories not all sad some funny some scary some that make me smile. things are getting better and hoping that will continue

My Birthday

I made it all the way to 53 and its the 1st b'day I have ever been alone

Alone

Its 11pm I'm alone.
Andy is off working its his job to go away , he feels bad but I quite enjoy being alone.
Although I do enjoy him being here.
Everything is so quiet.
I don't talk much when I'm alone but I think of the strangest things.
Like how to make a coat/jumper in pink for eve.
A scarf for Jordy A mini album for Andy I design away in my head but I never do them .
WHY ???????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????
????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????
??????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????
??????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????
I don't know
Strange
I must get a different attitude
I must do not just yhink
but I'm scared
don't know of what ??????????????????????????????????
WHY ???????????????????????
I MUST WORK THIS OUT

GOODBYE SWEET BOY

Wednesday 10th April 2013 My dearset friend Bracken big black puppy died outside the backdoor.
I woke that morning like almost every other day said good morning to all and watched t.v. got ready to go for a massage like I do every wednesday bracken was sunning himself at the backdoor I leaned down and kissed his big furry head and told him "to keep an eye on the cats I'd be home soon" They where the last words I ever said to him.
I drove to Kayes dropped off Lucy to play with harley (her dog) and drove to get my massage in fine spirits. Not knowning my big black Angel was leaving me.
After ther massage I drove back to Kaye and stayed for a Coffee drove home on the way I stopped at the bank (NAB) to sort out some bills . I then drove home still in a fine mood I walked into the house and called out "Bracken" no answer no big furry smiling face so I walked to the back door I thought he was asleep but he was dead. I touched him and knew he was gone, I walked out drove to the safeway and went to the chemist my mind wouldn't work I broke down in the chemist and I cryed alot drove home and just sat on the backdoor step staring at Bracken and cryed an ocean my heart was broken after quite awhile I covered him with a red blanket and got the fly spray to kill all the flys that were crawling over my sweetheart I did this serval times then I rang Andy and told him the aweful news and cryed again I sat in the lounge my mind would not accept his passing so I went serval times and pulled back the blanket praying he was alright but he was still dead
When Andy finally got home we buried him in the front yard.
I have lost my dear friend, my smily boy and I dont know what I will do without him.
I cling to Andy

Dreams

What a night dreams dreams and more dreams
So strange I don't think I've ever had so many dreams in one night before.
Its been so hot, And all I can do is dream
They where so real but now I don't remember them
just colours blue green and yellow
feeling panic angry scared and so very tired
Dreams are strange things
I wonder why we have them
The hot days will break soon praise the goddess

sad days

Well here we are in March and its so hot . Bracken our sweet gentle boy is dying and I have spent the last 2 days in tears its breaking my heart watch him go bit by bit. I love him so much. He had a good day last Monday but the last few days he won't get up and walk he just crys until he can see me. I know his time is almost up and we have had such fun days together my silent shadow nuserling my hand as we walk around the garden. I will miss him so much. I can't beleive the last 10+ years has gone so fast.
Andy is scaring me with his blood shot eyes and falling asleep if he holds still for more than 10 mins I pray this hard time passes soon. Life is so short Andy and I are already in our 50's when did that happen?????????

MARCH already

Feeling quite foggy today . I pulled the muscle in my tummy from lifting Bracken off the floor poor baby his body is slowly dieing. I love him so much its going to be very sad and not have his happy smiling face to greet me.
Kaye came over today and helped me do the shopping I couldn't have done it without her she's a really good friend.
I miss Andy, even when he is here I know he's not poor darling we just have to wait til his company works things out I just wish it were easiler on him I hate seeing him so tired and there is nothing I can do.
I'm very lucky to have him in my life I really don't know what I would do without him He gives the best cuddles.
My brain isn't working too good I keep forgetting stuff
Well all I have to do now is get better
Wish me Luck  :)

tomorrow

Its HOT not my fav time of the year. Much prefer winter autumn or spring. Andy's in W.A. poor darling working in factory's in this heat which its much hotter there than here.  I miss him its like someone has taken a part of me away, he will be home tomorrow night. Had a massage today still in pain nothing new there. Took Bracken to the vets he has put on 2kg from the meds but is still doing well . Took rose as well the other cats have been having a go at her over the past few days its really strange The Vet (Sara) took a blood test we find out tomorrow whats wrong if anything Lucy is going to a new groomer tomorrow her name is Racheal she lives in Dandenong. Hope it goes well. 
Feeling a little lost 

Odd Day

I feel rather odd today, I don't really know why I try to do things and I forget what I'm doing and end up doing something else or just being totally confused as to what I am doing. I have a heavyness to me today. Missing things. My moods have been all over the place I really just want to sleep more than anything Im not tired I think I just want the peacefulness that comes with sleep I have been having a hard time trying to get off to sleep very annoying. Andy went away to Perth WA last week for 2 days this week it was Albary for 2 days its part of his job I know that but it doesn't mean I have to like it. Bracken seems to be having a better day today I'm glad. Everything seems to hard to day I wonder why I feel like this. Even watching tv is too hard reading too hard what a strange day. I am missing my folks

brac

Our Bracken is dieing. Its so sad to watch him struggle to get up, he is such a wonderful dog I wish things were better for him but while he keeps going we will help him anyway we can Love our boy so much keeping my fingers crossed for a cure to old age wish me luck. Its not easy but he is more than worth it.

DEATH

We live in the land of DEATH it is nothing to be feared everything has its time and when there time has ended they go. I have a family that doesn’t seem to understand the basic principal of the land of Death. Everything on this planet is born …..lives…then dies.

How is that so hard to understand?

We celebrate Birth why not celebrate Death?

Its all the same thing

I was Born …..now I live …..later I will die.

Its quite easy to understand.

My daughter Celly believes that everything you do, can cause your Death. This is just not true, you can only Die when its your time no matter what you do.

You can make you life easier with you decisions but you can’t make yourself Die.

Somewhere along the line I have failed her .Her understanding of Death is very strange to me as with a lot of her beliefs, there must be a reason she does not understand. 

Mmmmmmmm

I must try to work out this puzzle maybe it has something to do with her need for material things??

We are Witches from a long line of witches, I have told her often maybe she doesn’t except this, that would explain a lot.

Weird week

I almost lost my Bracken last Monday he had been unable to stand by himself and was in constant pain Andy and I decided that was unfair so we booked him in to be put down 1:30pm Monday 14th Jan 2013. half an hour before we went he came good interested in things he even wanted to go for a walk you could have knocked me down with a feather I was so shocked it was as if nothing was wrong with him, we took him to the vet (Sara) and we talked options which an hour before I didn't think we had any. So the vet gave him an injection (2 I think) and sent us all home with pills for him. He's almost back to normal a bit wobbly in the back legs still can't get himself up but he is enjoying life again I could be more relieved or happy to have my boy still . I know it won't last years (mores the pity) but for now its one day at a time, its better than winning tatts,
I got really angry today and I fought so hard to stop it but couldnt Andy hugged me and I felt so much better there is nothing more magical than a hug from someone you love who loves you Weird week but at the same time AWESOME xx love my boys I'm so lucky

New Year

Well here we are in a new year 2013 wow Time is going by so fast.
went to Celly's for Xmas lunch and Chrissies for a late lunch made Chrissie cry well done a few days later we went to see Greg and his wife Lyne made Greg cry too I'm doing really well.
Just had 2 blistering hot days Trixy came and stayed for 2 days with Alex it was so nice to see them.
Xmas is always hard memoriers  of years gone by I've been up and down the hot weather never helps.
Saw the grand kids on Xmas day that was great I miss the little monkeys when I don't see them phone call rather late from Elvira her husband has walked out again hope thats an end to it. There life will be better without him the way he carriers on. Finished last year with a 5 week court case I was on Jury Duty it was soooooo boring glad thats over drug case not nice at all finished on the 21st of december 2011. then Xmas a few days later what a plalarver. Hoping this year will be better.