Nov is almost over Xmas will be on us before we know it ............................
feeling sorry for myself walking getting harder, the pain is on me almost all the time. is this how i must live, ??????????????????
l have sausage fingers and feet. l don't know why l just do forgetting things all the time l can be speaking and stop because l have no idea what it was that l"m saying.
Saturday 26 November 2016
Wednesday 16 November 2016
mixed up
what a day Andy my love will be home at about 8:30pm he has been gone since Monday morning.
l find it very nerve raking lve been more jumpy than usual sometimes l truely think Andy would be better off without me but then l think what if he went away and l never saw again l'd be heart broken. l don't think Andy really knows how deep our love is, he has become the centre of my life.
Celly is cross at me again (nothing new there)
she can be such a bully, she truely beleive she can fix me.
l love her dearly but she is young its a time of beleiving you can fix everything.
Dont know if Chrissie is up or down she is going through a Divorce.
It's an aweful thing to go through l was always scared he would do something evil.
He did he lived gggggrrrrr
hot flushes are doing my head in, l get hot, l feel like lm melting and then l'm frozen because the hot flush made me sweat so much. cant win never mind one of thoughs things we as human women must go through. l remember my poor mum melting. l miss her, my dear sweet mummy, soft as vevert smart as a whip and smelt so sweet of tweed / flowers. l only had her for 10yrs as we never got on. but the last 10 yrs it was wonderful.
Feeling a bit worried Alan (dec) june1956
Rick (Dec) 16th March 2011 and now Ross (dec) 6th November 2016
greg arranged the funeral at altona cermatoriam it took a month but he did a lovely job, l think if Ross were there he would say "not a bad do".
l cant beleive l miss this much.
l find it very nerve raking lve been more jumpy than usual sometimes l truely think Andy would be better off without me but then l think what if he went away and l never saw again l'd be heart broken. l don't think Andy really knows how deep our love is, he has become the centre of my life.
Celly is cross at me again (nothing new there)
she can be such a bully, she truely beleive she can fix me.
l love her dearly but she is young its a time of beleiving you can fix everything.
Dont know if Chrissie is up or down she is going through a Divorce.
It's an aweful thing to go through l was always scared he would do something evil.
He did he lived gggggrrrrr
hot flushes are doing my head in, l get hot, l feel like lm melting and then l'm frozen because the hot flush made me sweat so much. cant win never mind one of thoughs things we as human women must go through. l remember my poor mum melting. l miss her, my dear sweet mummy, soft as vevert smart as a whip and smelt so sweet of tweed / flowers. l only had her for 10yrs as we never got on. but the last 10 yrs it was wonderful.
Feeling a bit worried Alan (dec) june1956
Rick (Dec) 16th March 2011 and now Ross (dec) 6th November 2016
greg arranged the funeral at altona cermatoriam it took a month but he did a lovely job, l think if Ross were there he would say "not a bad do".
l cant beleive l miss this much.
dad
it was dad's birthday yesterday
there are times when l don't remember it and other times when it overwhelms me.
l was alone all day the pain in my back and hips is so unbearable at times l could scream. talked to celly last night, she has an opinion on everything. the latest is l must wrap all my bits and bobs and books in the lounge. because she needs to paint that room. the insane thing is, she carried on for monthes because she bought us a lounge suite that we wouldnt use, because we needed to paint the room. now we are using it she's cross because we should have painted the room first ggggggggggggggggrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
cant win either way l'm a shit mum end of story
there are times when l don't remember it and other times when it overwhelms me.
l was alone all day the pain in my back and hips is so unbearable at times l could scream. talked to celly last night, she has an opinion on everything. the latest is l must wrap all my bits and bobs and books in the lounge. because she needs to paint that room. the insane thing is, she carried on for monthes because she bought us a lounge suite that we wouldnt use, because we needed to paint the room. now we are using it she's cross because we should have painted the room first ggggggggggggggggrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
cant win either way l'm a shit mum end of story
Friday 11 November 2016
10 - 11 - 2016 another day
don't know what I'm feeling angry -sad -be wilded - lost its all so confusing. Alan my brother died (June) before l was born. Rick died 16th march 2011 and now Ross has died on 15th October 2016.
They are no longer here.
l find myself not knowing what to think or write. I've been not wanting to get out of bed, not wanting to do anything. its all too much and for what purpose.?????
why did he wait so long before telling me he was dying ??
he knew for 18mths
he told me 2 weeks(Lee's time) real world 6 weeks before he died
They are no longer here.
l find myself not knowing what to think or write. I've been not wanting to get out of bed, not wanting to do anything. its all too much and for what purpose.?????
why did he wait so long before telling me he was dying ??
he knew for 18mths
he told me 2 weeks(Lee's time) real world 6 weeks before he died
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