feeling so tired and strange

had so many hot flushes and 2 really chilly ones
left me feeling confused and a bit lost
have this aweful feeling something really bad is going to happen
lm panicky most of the time
hate feeling like this

Eric's mother passed away early thursday morning
poor man its such a hard thing dealing with death that is so close

havent had a massage for 3 weeks l go this thursday not with Eric
bit scared

had a wonderful time last week spending real time with my
grandbabies they are so sweet they always make me smile my Angels

no evie today

I've been looking forward all week to seeing evie today and its not going to happen.
she is in full time school .....................that really sucks
we live so close and l never see them
l so love being there nana but l miss them so much
really disapointed that l wont see my little monkey today
l wanted to do painting with her
life sucks
shit shit shit shit shit
warrens b'day today

wheres my head ?????????????

things are getting a bit scary l keep forgetting things
pills
feeding animals
what day it is
what l'm doing
getting lost when l drive
not wanting to talk to the gardener hiding so he wont see me
lm so sad no-one but me seems to even know that Sir Charming is gone
Andy didnt even help me bury him
Andys very unhappy
l wonder how much of it is me
l try to keep positive but its getting harder and harder
lm not sleep very much lately and when l do
l have nightmares of fighting with Celly or Chrissie and not being able to see the grandbabies cos there going to europe
or that andy rings me from some country town and that he has fallen in love with someone else and is never coming home and its all my fault cos l'm fat, lazy and crazy and he cant live like this. then its not my fault he says its him ????????
feel like lm loosing my mind (haha too late for that)
no one seems to acknowledge me unless they want something
hope this passes soon