feeling a bit lost

its been a week and 2 days since Ross passed away l still don't beleive it. its like something happened and l am the only one who doesn't know.what it was. everything seems to be too hard, l feel like l have lost something important but l don't know what it was, or where l put it .l see him in my head just doing normal stuff like making coffee sitting and chatting.its so unfair.
the day he came here to tell he had terminal cancer he had told me the night before l'm so glad he did as my reaction would have hurt him.so by the next day l could take the news without the denial.and crying he seemed happy l truely hope he was. l will miss the flash visits and coffee and talking about everything and nothing the family is getting smaller and smaller their is only Greg - Garry - Glenn and me, mum and dad gone rick alan and now ross. its scary to think l might only be here for maybe only 10 years

good bye my brother

at 9:45pm this evening my brother Ross David Carter 61yrs old lost his battle with cancer and we lost a very important member of our family l have the wonderful memories of you but lm feeling lost and broken. watching him take his last breathe my eyes filling with sadness and also joy that he could stop fighting, his pain was gone. l love you rossy david missing your cheeky face already xxxx

sad saturday 8-10-2016

went to see my brother Ross in the Sunshine hospital. the cancer is just eating away at him he knew who l was but couldn't work out who Andy was it was heart breaking. he says a few words like "drink , OK, but that's about it. so sad to see him that way. makes you wonder whats going on in his head. he lay there tinged yellow as his liver is going. you find yourself staring at him not knowing what to say, will he understand? does he even know whats happening to him. we stayed 1 and a half hours he has a head twitch its quite unnerving l'm so glad he didn't die on Eve's birthday she was 7 years old yesterday. seeing him like this makes me wonder how will l go. hope l don't just hang around for months. the weather was nice today a pretty spring day. rang Celly to see how boop is, its not looking good poor baby. he's done his best he doesn't want to leave her but the cancer is eating him up sweet boy, always so happy to see us it will be a very sad day when he goes