feeling a bit lost

its been a week and 2 days since Ross passed away l still don't beleive it. its like something happened and l am the only one who doesn't know.what it was. everything seems to be too hard, l feel like l have lost something important but l don't know what it was, or where l put it .l see him in my head just doing normal stuff like making coffee sitting and chatting.its so unfair.
the day he came here to tell he had terminal cancer he had told me the night before l'm so glad he did as my reaction would have hurt him.so by the next day l could take the news without the denial.and crying he seemed happy l truely hope he was. l will miss the flash visits and coffee and talking about everything and nothing the family is getting smaller and smaller their is only Greg - Garry - Glenn and me, mum and dad gone rick alan and now ross. its scary to think l might only be here for maybe only 10 years